You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence