Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?