FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.