she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck