saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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