i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
