You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
