i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
