No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
