Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
