just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
