The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
