I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
