He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
