she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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