If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
