yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Damn victory sex feels great
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
