Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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