Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
