she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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