I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
