fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize