So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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