I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
