from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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