Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
