I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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