I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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