Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
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Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.