I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?