so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
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It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.