I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
