I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
