We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
