Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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