There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize