Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
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crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
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Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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