this boner is exhausting
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
