just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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