i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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