Heybabeimwearingurpanties
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
