You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
