sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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