Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
