You just made me feel so damn special
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
