At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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