"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
