She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
