you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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