had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The adults are the big ones right?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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