It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
