Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
