wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
