girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
