Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
