He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
