i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
