xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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