yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
