Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
