It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
