Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
