i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
MIDGETS
????
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
