her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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