You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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