i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize