I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
