I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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