god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
