let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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