Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
