Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
