I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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