Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
